Becoming a mother is not always rainbows and unicorns; for some women, parenthood brings with it a sense of anger that seems unshakeable.
While many women who read this may shake their heads and say things like, “She never should have been a mother,” others will completely understand.
There is not a general rule book for parenthood. Every woman will experience a different rollercoaster of emotions and moments that build to define the overall experience as a whole, and there are many who would not describe it as an enjoyable time.
{ Guest Post by Elizabeth at My Baby’s Heartbeat Bear }
Losing freedom, missing work, changing friendships, new level of relationship, leaking breasts, crying baby, lack of sleep, it can all drive a woman to the brink of madness.
It is no wonder that so many suffer from anger during this time. It is a sense of resentment towards the infant, even when that child was so badly wanted.
An angry mother may yell at her young baby; she may forcefully move throughout her day with huffs, puffs, sarcasm, and under-her-breath comments.
She feels jealousy toward parentless women and those who seem to have it all together. Her life may feel out-of-control and dismantled, all the while she places the blame on her baby.
As if the anger isn’t enough, there is the guilt that webs itself into a mother’s world. This is intensified for those challenged with anger. Nothing she does is right; her feelings are wrong and so are her actions.
This mentality drives women further down the rabbit hole, leaving them little to no escape.
Before going any farther, please take the time to learn about postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. These are common problems that can affect a mother after having a baby – even years later. They are serious conditions that need professional help and guidance.
There are ways to overcome this anger, and to find happiness within motherhood.
It is about finding yourself, keeping yourself content, and working toward joyfulness each day.
It may not be easy, and it may not happen every day, but it is possible to move from this stagnant place of parenthood to a place of peace.
1. Pursue a passion
Working toward a goal, a dream, or a hobby keeps the mind from solely concentrating on parenthood.
Some hobbies can be done with a baby in tow, and others cannot.
Finding childcare may be a necessity, but may also help with clearing the mind and be present within one’s own self again.
2. Treat your child as a person and not an infant
It is easy to look at a baby as a squishy, little blob that doesn’t do much of anything but eat, poop, and cry.
But instead of using baby-words, talk as you would to an adult friend.
Skip the baby books and read your current favorite out loud instead.
3. Escape
Everyone needs a break now and again, but if you are feeling anger, your breaks may be needed more often.
Ensure that your infant is in safe hands and treat yourself to a night in a hotel or a night in your own bed while baby is at grandma’s house.
The uninterrupted sleep will help reset your happiness meter.
4. Ask for help
Your partner, parent, coworkers, and friends would all love to help, but you have to allow it. Open your arms to those willing to be there for you.
Maintaining a home, cooking, caring for an infant and yourself is too much to handle at times, and there is no shame in asking for support.
5. Talk to a professional
This is important whether you are having harmful thoughts or not.
A professional can give you the tools to work through and process your feelings, aiding in true healing and moving toward absolute contentment with your life.
6. Exercise
Endorphins increase the probability of feeling happiness.
It does not take running a marathon to produce them. Adding 30 minutes or more a day of an activity that increases the heart-rate will improve your mood and help balance your hormones.
Pair this with a healthy lifestyle free of smoking and processed foods, and the brain will feel clearer.
7. Continue friendships
This may seem impossible in the early stages of motherhood, but it can be done.
Put a brunch date on the calendar twice a month, invite a friend over for wine after baby’s bedtime, and don’t underestimate a good long phone call to reconnect.
Do you think you’re an angry mom?
The most important thing a mother can do is recognize her anger.
It can lead to a strained parent-child relationship over time.
Working toward healing the fury can lead to a fulfilling journey through this stage of life; a stage in which the days are long, but the years fly by.
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About the Author
Elizabeth is a researcher, author, and content writer for My Baby’s Heartbeat Bear. She spends her days as the ringleader of a never-tiring circus; one full of tightrope walkers, nerf gun shooters, mess makers, and danger-seekers. Elizabeth is currently expecting baby #5 and homeschooling the rest of her tribe. She exists on toddler kisses, caffeine, and tears of (panic) happiness. Also read her latest blogs about pregnancy.
suad campbell says
II like the honesty in this article. And I like suggestions you made to help mothers who feel this way–and haven’t we all at some point or other? But I particularly like the suggestion about treating your baby as a person and not an infant. I’d never really thought about the distinction before, and I love the idea of reading an adult story rather than Pat the Cat, or whatever they’re patting now….