Deciding to stay home with your baby or return to work can be a hard decision for new moms. Every family’s situation is different, and every woman is different. There isn’t one answer for everyone. But if you ask yourself these five questions, you can form a plan for your future.
1. Do my finances allow me to stay home?
This is the first question you should ask yourself. If you can’t survive on one income, you can’t stay home. Figure out your current budget (if you already haven’t) and subtract your paycheck. Use a spreadsheet like the annual budget template on Google Sheets.
Can you make ends meet? If you can, do you feel like you would be happy living on just one income? This was the deciding factor for me. I wanted to live comfortably and not have to worry about budgeting. So I went back to work.
You also need to consider the cost of daycare. If you’re lucky enough to find a friend or relative to watch your baby for free while you work, then this doesn’t apply to you.
Compare your budget of one income versus two incomes plus the cost of daycare. Is it worth it? If the cost of daycare outweighs your income, you might as well stay home. How much money per week is worth working? If you’re only making $50 a week after paying for daycare, do you still want to work 40 hours a week?
2. Where am I in my career?
Not to sound too much like an interviewer, but where do you see yourself in 5 years careerwise? 10 years? Do you have major plans to climb the corporate ladder and in what kind of timeline do you want to accomplish your career goals? Can you step away for a year? Or maybe even 5 or 10 years? Do you want to continue with your career at all?
Some moms will quit and never feel the need to return to the workforce, and that’s fine. Congratulations on your early retirement!
Others will plan to go back to work when their youngest child is in kindergarten. Some go back to work when the kids are teenagers.
If you do plan to reenter the workforce later down the road, you’ll need to have a reentry plan. Can you get back into the same industry? Can you get back into the same company? Are you ok with taking a pay cut in the future? After taking years off from work, you may need to either start over at the bottom or at a lower level than you are currently.
3. Can I handle staying home all day?
Now this sounds silly. You’re thinking “Can I handle it? It’s easy, right?” Wrong. Being a stay at home mom is anything but easy. I know that I am not the type of person that can handle staying home with a baby or a toddler all day every day. There are women that can easily handle the type of stress, but I am not one of them.
How do you do all day by yourself with the baby? Are you completely overwhelmed by the end of the day? Staying home might not be the best option for you.
There are other factors besides your own internal feelings to consider. Does your partner come home at a regular time from work or do they have to work late often?
When my husband was in his previous position, he never knew when he would be home due to the nature of his job. Sometimes he was home at 3:00. Sometimes not until 9:00 after Toot has gone to bed. When I had her all day by myself on Saturdays and he worked late, I had to do everything myself. From the time she woke up to the time she went to bed, I did everything. I know I cannot do that on a daily basis. I would implode.
Are there any other outside factors in your life that would make it hard for you to stay home all day?
4. Can I handle leaving my baby with someone else?
Do you have someone you can trust completely with your baby? Leaving your baby at a daycare for the first time can be a whirlwind of emotions. Can you handle it? Or do you have a friend or a relative willing to watch your baby (whether you pay them or not), and how do you think you would feel about leaving the baby with them?
Can you handle missing out on 8 hours of your baby’s life every day? This is the hardest part of going back to work. You can feel like you’re missing so much of your little one’s life.
Once your baby is sleeping through the night, you only have so much time with her while she’s awake.
Toot can sleep 12 hours overnight. I only got 3-5 hours a day with her while she was awake on workdays. Sometimes I got more but it’s was about an hour in the morning and 2 to 4 hours when we got home before she went to bed.
Do you think you would be okay with spending the majority of the day away from your baby?
5. Can I compromise?
Maybe this isn’t an all or nothing decision. Find out if there’s a way to compromise between staying home or returning to work. Can you work part-time at your current position or get more flexible hours? A lot of companies are offering more flexible hours for working parents now. Ask your boss or HR representative if they might be able to offer some flexibility.
If not, can you work part-time somewhere else? Or can you get a job through a temporary service? Temp agencies are great for moms who want to work sometimes but not all the time. They may only need you for a couple days here and there or they may have jobs that go for a month every quarter.
Would it be better if your partner stayed home with the baby? If you make more money or have a more invested career, it might make more sense for your partner to stay home. I would have a lot fewer reservations about working full time if my husband were to stay home with Toot, but he still makes more than me so that wouldn’t work for us. It may work for your family, though.
Can you work from home? There are lots of ways you can work from home. Talk to your boss or HR representative to find out if your job (or another position in your company) can be done remotely.
You could get also get into another line of work where you set your own hours like direct sales or running a blog.
You will need to take into consideration that you can’t really work when the baby is awake. The baby will require your full attention, and you can’t effectively work while taking care of a child.
I started my blog and after about 18 months I was able to quit my job because I was making enough money that I didn’t need to work anymore. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m free to do my own thing and spend more time with my littlest love. You can start a blog too!
Overwhelmed with questions?
Don’t worry. You’ve got plenty of time to decide. And your decision may change. I changed my mind when Toot was 2-years-old.
You don’t have to decide while you’re on maternity leave. You can go back to work and then decide to quit anytime.
If you’ve been staying home but want to go back to work, it’s never too late. This is a hard decision to make, but if you weigh all of your options, you’ll be able to figure out what’s best for you and your family.
What is or was the deciding factor to stay home or go back to work for you?
Let me know in the comments below!
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jehava says
This is such a hard decision for us mamas! These are great questions to help each mom decide what’s best for her and her kiddos! I stay at home and am sure this is what I am meant to do but, this isn’t best for every mama out there! Great post!
Niki @ Toot's Mom is Tired says
Thanks! This the thought process I used and I’m still using to rationalize why I’m staying at my job when I feel like quitting.
Kim says
Love this – so important, and I could have used this advice when I made my decision to stay home. Though it was hard, I am so glad I did it. These questions are going to help so many in my shoes!
Shannon says
I would add – consider what your hours are. Besides the fact that with two kids, my husband’s income and the costs of day care were going to equal out, his hours were also horrible. Because he worked nights and weekends, he would have seen the kids a few hours a week at most if they were in regular day care. Having him stay home with them is so worth it for all of us.
jalisa says
Great post. My husband is starting his career. My son is three and we are planning on having another one by the time he is in kindergarden. I went back to my job but its not my career. Now being there five years where my hours are being cut and we are moving another 30 minutes away staying home may be in my future. I will say doing something that keeps you busy or your mind off things works better. Being home with the baby all day can drive you crazy. Honestly, if I knew about blogging back then things may have been differently.
Jen says
Such a tough decision! The longer you stay out, the bigger the hit your pay and retirement take. But on the other hand, it is so hard to leave your babies with someone else. I went back to work when my daughter was one and my son was four. But I had family to watch the little one, so not as stressful. Now they are middle school and upper elementary, so working is not a big deal anymore.
Niki @ Toot's Mom is Tired says
I went back to work when Toot was 3 months and I wish I could’ve taken a year. But at least she stays with my mom.
jenny says
Very good article- im nearly halfway through my maternity leave and needed this x
Niki @ Toot's Mom is Tired says
Good luck on making your decision!
Sharon says
I am not even pregnant yet and I think about this everyday! There is so much pressure on women to make the right decision so I already feel bogged down about it. Reading this made me feel better about my options and think about compromised solutions instead of all or nothing. Thanks for sharing!
Niki @ Toot's Mom is Tired says
I also thought about this before I was pregnant but it wasn’t until Toot was born that I really had a tough time deciding. Thanks for reading!
Jasmine Hewitt says
My husband helped me decide that being a full-time SAHM was the best choice. We are financially stable enough, and we both felt for our son’s development and bonding, it was best. it’s not an easy decision for anyone to make though!
Savannah says
Ah, literally one of the hardest decisions to make! Leaving the babies with someone else can be absolutely terrifying, but I know many people who are able to leave their kids with family. This could definitely make things a lot easier, but it just wasn’t possible in our case. So, we then had to face spending my entire paycheck on childcare. Definitely a decision that needs to be heavily weighed, and these are some EXCELLENT questions to ask yourself. Thanks so much for sharing <3
Tyane says
This was one of the toughest decisions I faced when I had my youngest, three years ago. I went back to work, thinking that we needed the money. Six weeks later, we lost our nanny, and discovered it was cheaper for me to stay home than to have me work for just childcare. Today, I work from home as a virtual assistant and blog, and it all fell in place at the right time. I have enjoyed every minute of being home with my kids.
Ellie Augustin says
Yes this is my battle right now it’s such a crazy scale. It is so hard at times but I know for my family even if it a bit harder as we have pinch pennies tightly but it’s worth it to be able to be here with our kids.
Mary Barham says
I have been struggling with that question for a few months now. I am doing all that I can now to stay at home with my babies, but it is in the Lord’s hands.
Katie says
This is such a great post! I have been struggling with this exact question, but know that for me and my little one I need to stay at home.
Leigh says
Great article about such a big decision! It is something I will be dealing with soon as well! With the cost of childcare these days its a hard decision!
Elisabeth says
Thank you for the share! What a tough choice to make. I applaud any Mama who returns to work. Motherhood is hard as it is, throw in a career and you truly are a SUPER HERO. At the end of the day, you have to choose what’s right for your family and for your Little Ones. You shouldn’t feel judged one way or another!
Niki @ Toot's Mom is Tired says
I feel the same way about SAHMs! I just don’t think I could do it. SAHMs are superheroes too!
April says
Great read and very spot on! After spending a decade in the classroom, I traded in my dual hats of Teacher/ Mom to wear just one: Mommy. My deciding factors were 1.) My husband often traveled and when it was just me, my full time teaching job in a neighboring district, three drop-offs to get everyone where they needed to be before I got to where I needed to be (at an inflexible job with no ability to be flexible), and the fact that my young baby and toddler caught EVERY bug that came into their daycare rooms, I would go to work and just CRY. I knew I wasn’t giving my students what they deserved because I was feeling so unbalanced. 2.) As an Elementary teacher, 120% of my salary went to daycare and childcare options. I was actually PAYING to go to work. ? 3.) Our family needed something to change. We were drowning in logistics talks, scrambling to get our family of five rushed out the door by 6:40am every day, and we were all exhausted and nagging at each other constantly. I never thought I could handle being a stay-at-home mom, but have surprised myself with how much I’m truly enjoying it. Once I slowed down, gave myself some mandated boundaries and balance, and actually took the time to enjoy this thing called life, I’m LOVING it!
Niki @ Toot's Mom is Tired says
I’m glad you found the best option for you!!
Virtual Wombat says
Many of the same thoughts that went through the minds of my wife and I when her maternity leave came to an end. Eventually she went back to work part time. As she’s self employed now it’s much easier mind!
Alisha Cook says
Love this. But really is anyone else where I am now? I’m struggling to decide rather to go back to work or stay home bc my youngest will be going to pre-k and I’ve never pictured myself as anything else but a stay at home mom since I had kids. My husband and I talked about having baby #4 but we are not 100% sure on that right now. We are financially stable I just don’t know where I would want to go to start my career. Something else to add to my stress list! Lol Anyone else going through this?
Niki @ Toot's Mom is Tired says
Big decisions! If you’re looking to start a career, try going to a temp agency first. Maybe they’ll have some ideas. Temp agencies also do temp to hire sometimes. So they might lead to permanent jobs. And if you don’t like it, you can try something else.