Have none of your friends or family offered to host a baby shower for you?
Tradition says someone else throws a shower for the mama-to-be.
It’s also much easier on your pregnant self if someone else does the hard work.
But what if you don’t have anyone to help? Should you throw your own baby shower?
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Why do we even have baby showers?
This is like an existential question.
The thought behind them is that babies are expensive. And usually it’s pretty hard to buy EVERYTHING you need for a baby yourself all at once.
So your friends and family pitch in to buy you stuff. And we have baby showers as sort of a gift giving ceremony.
It’s usually only women and girls that attend the shower. (Which, can we change that? Men need to get in on this, too.)
Most of the time a friend or family member hosts the shower for the expectant mom.
You probably already know all of this. It’s pretty basic. But apparently in some countries, baby showers are not a thing.
Theoretically, if we saved all of the money we spent on other people’s baby showers, we could just buy all the stuff we need for ourselves.
So they aren’t really necessary. But they’re fun and it’s tradition.
What if no one can host your baby shower for you?
If you don’t have anyone close to you that can or will throw your baby shower for you, you can always throw your own.
It’s a little against tradition, but no one is stopping you.
Some circumstances you might find yourself in if you have to throw your own baby shower:
- You don’t have any female family members. (Men don’t think of these things.)
- Your close female family members live far away.
- Your family or friends would like to throw your shower but can’t because of time or money constraints.
- No one has offered to throw your shower because they all expect someone else to do it.
Most often no one offers because they can’t due to time, money, or the energy it takes to plan and throw a shower.
And they expect someone else to do it.
Your best friend probably thinks your sister is doing it, and your sister probably thinks your best friend will take care of it.
But even if tradition says someone else host’s your baby shower, that doesn’t mean you can’t break tradition and do it yourself!
Pros to throwing your own baby shower
You get a baby shower!
If no one else is stepping up, and you throw it yourself, a definite pro is that you get to have a baby shower!
You’ll get to see your friends and family plus, GIFTS.
Don’t forget to set up a baby registry. You can pick out those gifts!
You can pick out exactly what you want.
Choose your theme, your decorations, the cake, the snacks, the venue, the GAMES.
I had four baby showers thrown for me for different family and friend circles.
They were each different and there were parts I loved but some games I could’ve done without. *Cough* the measure the belly game *cough* (Which was played at ALL FOUR SHOWERS.)
You get to say “screw tradition!”
Get the satisfaction of throwing society’s rules out the window.
Take that, societal norms!
Cons to throwing your own baby shower
You have to throw a baby shower. (lol It’s a lot of work.)
It breaks the tradition of someone else throwing it for you.
Some people might think you’re greedy for hosting your own shower.
But a lot of people won’t. So don’t let this one thing stop you.
It’s a lot of added stress while you’re pregnant.
If you’re on bed rest, forget about throwing a shower.
Don’t bother adding more stress if you’re already verging on high blood pressure.
It takes a lot of time to plan a shower.
Between working, planning for a new baby, going to doctor’s visits, trying to keep up with healthy exercise, and everything else in your life, you might not have time to plan a shower.
(Similar to your friends and family not having time.)
Baby showers cost money.
One big reason that pregnant women don’t throw their own shower is that sometimes the cost of the shower outweighs the benefits of the gifts.
It might just be cheaper to buy everything yourself.
Do the math before you announce your shower.
(Don’t count the big items when calculating gift total. Big items like the crib or anything else over $200 on your registry usually isn’t going to be gifted.)
Alternatives to a traditional baby shower to consider
You don’t need to have a traditional baby shower where you invite 30-50 people to your house or a church or something.
Here are a couple of alternatives to think about.
A small dinner party
Just have a couple of people over for dinner and they can bring you a few gifts.
Or better yet, meet at a restaurant! No mess or cleanup. Five or six friends can carve out a couple of hours and pay for their own meals.
Even if you have dinner at your house, a home cooked meal isn’t going to be very expensive to provide. Or order pizza!
A Sip and See party
According to tradition, Sip and See parties don’t require gifts. But in lieu of a shower, you can ask for gifts at a sip and see. What is a sip and see? You can read more about that here.
A virtual baby shower
Facebook has made it so much easier to connect with family and friends that are far away.
My friend had a virtual shower 6 years ago before Facebook Live was even invented.
Here’s how it works:
- You register for gifts on Amazon.
- Invite your friends on Facebook.
- Your friends can buy gifts and have them shipped to your house.
- You keep all of the packages in one spot (No peeking!)
- At the time of your baby shower, go live on Facebook and open your gifts. Your friends and family can comment and talk to you and each other.
So really should you throw your own baby shower?
It’s completely up to you!
I say don’t worry about judgy judgersons that may think it’s weird you’re hosting it yourself.
If you’ve got the stamina, time, and resources, go for it!
But if it’s not your thing, that’s cool, too. There’s no law that says you have to have a baby shower.
Try something else that isn’t a traditional baby shower. Or just save your money and buy everything you need yourself.
Sometimes when you want something done, you have to do it yourself.
What do you think? Let me know in the comments below!
(See also: Can you throw your own bridal shower? from my other blog.)
Niki @ Toot's Mom is Tired says
It covers the first line? It doesn’t do that for me? Can you send me a screenshot? I can probably fix it. Thank you for letting me know!!!
Kira | A Better Life Lived says
We totally speak the same language when it comes to bucking tradition. Judgy Judgersons should not rule or lives! I found that one common reason, at least where I’m from, is that people don’t throw baby showers for any baby after the first, unless there is a gigantic time gap between them. I think that’s just stupid. Every baby deserves a shower and mama is going through just as much work and needs almost just as much stuff to help! I wouldn’t feel at all like someone was being greedy for throwing their own baby shower!
Niki at Toot's Mom is Tired says
No judgy judgersons will be invited!
Jewels says
The share tab is constant on the screen whereas the content of the page is fluid. As I scroll down, the share tab is in the exact same position on the screen and blocks a portion of the words on the left side. I am using a laptop. In other words, it is hovering on the left side and disrupts the flow as I read. Meaning, I cannot sit back and read an entire paragraph at once. Instead, I have to read one line at a time and then scroll down a little to read the next line because the first word or two of several lines are obstructed by the share tab.
Niki at Toot's Mom is Tired says
Do you have a Mac or a PC? I think the problem is only with Macs because I haven’t been able to replicate this problem on any of the desktops or laptops I’ve used but I don’t have any macs to test it on. I’ll see if I can try to fix it.
Thanks!
Amanda says
No one has offered to throw me a baby shower. I was very hurt but decided to throw myself one. It’s less then one week away and I really just want to cancel the entire thing. Since no one offered to throw me a shower, who would I ask to be In charge of games and prizes? It would be so embarrassing for me to do that too. I already purchased everything for the games and prizes. I just didn’t want to be the one who says “ok time for this.” My husband and I struggled with infertility for years and this baby is a miracle. It just really hurts my feelings no one seems to be as excited as we are.
Niki at Toot's Mom is Tired says
I’m sorry no one offered to throw you a shower. Maybe your husband can be the person to say “ok time for cake” and to host the games. My husband was there for all of my showers. It’s not like they aren’t allowed to come. I think it’d still work if he was the one “hosting” everything.
Lisa says
Yes we tried to have a baby for almost four years and no one has offered. It’s shocking to me. Are people that fucking lazy they can’t get excited to celebrate a BABY?! My mom threw my sisters and now claims mothers shouldn’t throw showers but if she did it would just be her friends. I’m also surprised my mother in law hasn’t offered. This is her first grandchild. They are both retired and seem to like hosting. Really don’t get it.
bessy says
omg! i almost want to go there and do it for you!!! SO SORRY- us as well have been trying for years and now im having anxiety over a shower… why???
a shower should be given to you by those who love you!! mother and mother in laws…sister and sister in laws but sometimes it doesn’t work that way ;(
to be honest; and if you calculate the massive families some people have its almost better to but everything yourself and ditch the party! you will spend more on a party then buying all you want!
also remember the baby needs you happy, in peace, at ease…. all easy going things only and not problematic people around!
Viviana says
I am very hurt since nobody has offered to throw me a baby shower. So I decided to do it by myself using Facebook Events, Facebook Live, and Amazon Registry since I live miles and miles away from all of my family and friends. There is 2 weeks left for the Baby Shower and only one person has purchased something. I’m so sad since for my first son I had a big baby shower, tons of pictures, presents, help, and everything was perfect, now I just feel alone and sad and about to cancel everything.
Niki at Toot's Mom is Tired says
Awww I’m so sorry! I hope they’re all just waiting until the last minute. Maybe send out a reminder?
Alexis says
Baby showers are such a big undertaking! I’m so glad my mom threw me one for my first baby. I don’t think there’s any way I would’ve had the energy to throw my own!